The Quiet

Daily flooded with words and images from friends and strangers, whether my Facebook home page, Instagram or my BBC application of tailored world news, I found my own voice increasingly... silent. 

What could I say that has not already been 'shared' and 'liked' and debated? I follow encouraging and beautiful blogs of friends and strangers and often, they say it much, much better. I genuinely enjoy being a 'part' of friends lives on Facebook and Instagram as they share pictures and status updates in the midst of their daily living. I think we can all relate to the seasons of wedding pictures, baby pictures, exhausted parent status updates.. I love it all. The connecter in me thrives on knowing how people are doing and noting those milestones in their lives. 

This summer in the lush Missouri valley, home to the sweet German town, Hermann, Jon and I celebrated one year of marriage. One evening we sat near an outside fire, roasting marshmallows and savoring the stars, the chocolate, the evening fog, and our friendship. We had joked that this past year would be our 'Old Testament Year' where we intentionally focused on nurturing our fledgeling marriage in season of travel. We left our 'normal'  in community and went the road less traveled, choosing to put most of our belongings in storage and make home together.. on the journey. 

Sunrise, Hermann, MO

As we sat reflecting on our fire lit evening, the treasures of this past year could not be measured. 

I am the self-nominated social networker in our marriage, and certainly post my share of pictures and up-dates, mainly for family benefit. But, for a girl who loves to journal and write, this past year has been very quiet. I believe that was one of the treasures for me.

God gave us this year of adventure, laughter, bonding over hotel cooking, tears at leaving new good friends, loneliness for community, camping escapades, dining disasters and the eternal coffee shop searches. And I have held it all close to my heart. 

As much as we reflected on this past year, we also daydreamed about tomorrow. We chuckled over the reality that we have less answers now and more questions about what the future holds. But we also have less anxiety. We know that we have hard days ahead... but so many beautiful moments to uncover, new faces to embrace, growing and aging... and really, an eternity of adventuring. 

Almost as if marking the one year point, my fingers started that familiar itch, seeking to communicate to write, to share. 

And so here I am, with a new season of stories and a new city and itchy fingers, I mean, blogging intentions. And not just for friends and family, but actually... for me. 

I am still learning the balance of quiet and sound. I believe this year of quiet soul rest and journeying has imprinted in me a sweet delight in holding some moments so very close. And that is a good thing. But we were not designed to keep it all quiet and that is also a good thing. I find myself stretching in new ways in this freedom to invite others, into our real life, with the hilarious mishaps, the well water sad, and the exultant joys. 

Common Birds

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:25-34

Andrew Kiss - Canadian nature artis

Common birds fill the bush in front of our little town apartment this morning. I opened the window to enjoy the April air and their constant chatter.  But when I was not warm enough with my slippers, blanket and a sweater, I closed the window back up. Spring is mostly here. But winter is still holding her hand.

My lonely bird feeder waited almost three weeks for visitors. Locals and husband both assured me that it was still much too cold for there to be any birds to invite. But I could not help feeling a portion of the jilted host. I daydreamed that I would become a sanctuary to lovely rare birds and I was giddy when my eyes caught the first feathered friend perched on the green feeder. A small chickadee but no sweeter chickadee had I ever seen. 

Much to my surprise, birds did not flock to the feeder but seemed more interested in the seeds that had fallen to the ground. Hoping to attract more birds and not lose the ones who had come, I gayly spread seeds into the bushes like an old woman in the park making friends with a gaggle of pigeons. Happily, the birds appeared in twos then fours and finally I was in the double digits. A cardinal pair (a nest must be nearby), a Titmouse, a Chickadee, a male American Robin dashing in and out and a small flock of a familiar but unknown to me bird. 

I watched them with my binoculars for a few days, ducking near to the sink to pretend I was doing dishes if a neighbor walked by. These little brown, white, black and chestnut red colored birds looked like an exciting family reunion with the feisty young and dominating mature and gossipy girls and wrestling young. After a deliberation in my bird identification book, this former country girl identified the common House Sparrow. 

I felt deflated. All that hard work of laying out a feast and it is being poured down the throats of the city bird nuisance. But I couldn't help myself and continued to spread a handful here and there beneath the bushes for this jovial crowd. I thought about this tiny bird and considered the words of Jesus. He reminded us that if God notices and cares for these little birds, how much more does he care for us?

Between work, cooking, laundry, dishes and phone chats, I continued to return to the windows to observe the House Sparrow flock. I am amazed at how animated and feisty these tiny birds are. I read that they often mate for life and are aggressively protective of their nesting area and have been observed attacking many other species or even stealing another songbirds nest. There are a number of articles on how to trap them and rid your area of their presence. Sparrows are said to be one o the most common animals on the planet. Overwhelmingly, they are frowned upon as a pest who thrive where humans are. 

"Without question the most deplorable event in the history of American ornithology was the introduction of the English Sparrow." -W.L. Dawson, The Birds of Ohio, 1903

As a fledgeling birder, I obviously have a lot to learn in how to care for an urban feeder and protect the song birds native to the area. 

But I am still impressed with some thoughts through my observation of these birds. We are really not so different. Hunting for the best seeds and best homes. Preening in the sun. Gossiping loudly in one corner of the bush and wrestling with testosterone charged hormones in the other corner. When one bird has found a succulent seed, everyone else must investigate and try and get a piece of it for themselves. Dust baths and loud and subdued cheeps, flitting and flapping through the day. 

Common bird - besides the population numbers, I find its social attitude is also strikingly common. And yet, on close inspection, each tiny common sparrow has its own unique blueprint. There is the fluffy female who shyly waits in the bush and when no one is looking hops into the bird bath. A mature male does not seem interested in food but sits at the highest point like a king surveying his domain. A juvenile dust bathes without concern. A rowdy male harasses male and female alike. A larger female sunbathes happily on the pavement. 

I marvel to think that humanity, which has also been likened to being a nuisance to the native habitat, with all of is jostling commonality, remains exquisitely unique. Each person with varied vibrancies and subtleties of their individual blueprint. 

There is an incredible longing in us to be noticed and liked.. and loved. We adore celebrities with a special brand of jealousy to be so adored. We accolade the successes of the brilliant and even build pedestals for the philanthropic. We do not want to be seen as uncommon and yet we share this common longing to be noticed. 

We search for it in every area of our life from career to relationship. Notice me. Like me. Love me. Why is this the case? Evolution of survival of the fittest? There is some truth to that... but Jesus. The most uncommon of common men. He came unnoticed in an animal shelter and returned to heaven through a glorious journey in the clouds. 

I consider these two truths. God did not find it beneath Him to be swaddled in a feed trough, or to be a carpenter or friend of prostitutes or even to die on a cross. But more uncommon can not be imagined in his personality. And this incredible uncommon God imagined us, with all of our individual uniqueness. And He notices us. Scripture tells us he knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows the number of our thoughts and bottles our tears in a jar. He notices and he loves. 

   

Pinterest: traps and tips and thoughts on friendships.

A cup of coffee I enjoyed with my Pinterest cookies.

Before the internet we only visited libraries with volumes of resources and treasured our great-grandmother's recipes and only shared with friends. Not Facebook friends or Twitter or Instagram followers.. friends. People you knew and trusted and when they told you that they have the best chocolate-chip recipe, you believed them. Or, maybe they brought you those cookies and you tasted them for yourself and begged for the recipe and they gladly shared it with you.

It is so easy to look over my shoulder into nostalgia-ville and long for the 'simple life.' But while some things remain the same, we can't go back in time. We have the present to live in and the future to look forward to. Our world has changed and the incredible amount of resources at our fingertips constantly grows. What is a simple girl to do? If you can't beat them, join them? Really? Honestly, I wrestle with my own personal use of internet/social media, web surfing, television watching, and android app finding. Working from home has not helped me moderate my technology intake. 

No Technology-----------------------------------------------------------------me--------------------Technology

If I were to truthfully plot my intake, it would be leaning much further into the electronically overstimulated region than I would want anyone to know. 

You want to be freaked out into a good old fashioned 'technology fast?' Google, 'technology overstimulation,' and read some of the scary research on the poverty of friendships, attention, and intelligence that we are experiencing as a culture. And predictions are that it is only going to get worse. 

At one point, I smirked at all the busy little Pinterest-ers and thought it the funniest thing that people would be pinning pictures nilly willy and not, you know, just living life. Enjoying each beautiful moment and not constantly comparing and envying what the other Pinterest-er and internet neighbor has. But I finally dipped my feet in the Pinterest pond before my wedding. And you know what? I found so many helpful and creative ideas on Pinterest. And, since that time, I have intermittently created boards that are slowly filling with interesting ideas and delicious looking and tasting recipes. But not all of them have been as tasty or easy as the recipe declared. 

Besides the traps of over-comparing and the scary over-stimulation of my mind... it is very difficult to know if 'this' is really the 'best way to grow an herb garden indoors,' or the 'top five gifts your man wants and hasn't told you,' or 'THE chocolate chip cookie.' I don't know most of these pinners or people and they certainly don't know the top five gifts that Jon wants and hasn't told me. 

Is there a place of balance? Can I use the incredible resources of the great wide web and not get trapped in the pit falls? I know that the place of balance starts with honesty and continual self-evaluation. 

The internet is a new world that our generation is pioneering and building upon. We have an incredible responsibility to take really good care of the gifts we have been given and prepare this place for the next generation. Technology (specifically: internet, social media..) should be used as a tool, resource, and healthy form of communication. Some questions I am asking myself to help me evaluate if I have lost perspective on what role this kind of technology should play in my life are:

1. Where am I at on my technology intake scale? 

No Technology----------------------------------------------------------------me---------------------Technology

2. Is this where I want to be? Why or why not? In what practical ways can I change this?

3. Does this [insert activity] generate feelings of contentment or envy and dissatisfaction?

4. Does this [insert activity] generate thoughts of judgement or self-condemnation?

5. Read reviews of recipes and DIY projects and products. Beware of the vindictive reviewer. Good reviews often including 'pros and cons' and alternative ideas. 

6. Before posting anything on social media, ask yourself if this is information that you would want a stranger to see and know about you, much less an acquaintance or co-worker. Keep your privacy settings up-dated but realize that nothing is really private on the internet.

7. Do not post pictures or information about some one else (even if you think they wouldn't mind) with out asking permission first (this is an area I am still growing in). 

8. Cultivate hobbies that do not have anything to do with technology (i.e. running, bird watching, gardening, cross stitching...).

9. Protect 'no technology zones.' Do not check Instagram on your phone while having lunch with a friend (and that includes your spouse-they are your best friend). Turn the T.V. off when you are having dinner. Let music be your background noise. Don't become legalistic about this rule but don't become too casual about it either. You never want to sacrifice friendship and quality time for mindless technology input. 

10. Have a daily quiet time. Right now, working from home in a strange city, this should be a very easy thing for me to do. Yet, somehow, it often gets pushed to later and later in the day until that point when I realize that Jon is going to be home and I forgot to pre-heat the oven for our Pinterest recipe dinner. Set aside a specific time, at least ten minutes, where you quiet your mind and heart and have things put in a right perspective. For me, this happens in reading Scripture and prayer. 

I will have you know that day time television has been playing most of the morning while I lazily put a few dishes away, pulled laundry out of the dryer to make myself feel like I was 'doing the laundry,' and some work e-mails were sent so that I could continue to feel productive. 

Finally sitting down with my Bible and a study on 1 John, I closed my eyes in a moment of quietness and felt the peace of and joy of being me, in this moment, messy me... but so very loved me. I turned off the TV (which was muted.. why did I even have it on?) and turned on the musical brilliance of Dexter Britain. I don't want to abandon the good gifts I have been given. In this season, one of the greatest gifts I have been given is time. How to be a good steward of my gifts is something I know I will continue to mature in. At least, I pray I keep maturing!

Technology over-stimulation and my own embarrassing consumption has been a continually mulled over thought for me the past few weeks. I am so grateful for the way that God loves me in the messy process and the perspective He gave me today. 

By the way, I read some really great reviews last week about a chocolate chip recipe. And, after following the recipe exactly as directed, these cookies barely made it on to the pan the dough was so delicious. My handsome, hunky husband, and our land-lady and the land-lady's husband agree with me, maybe not THE chocolate chip cookie.. but a really, really good cookie... one worth sharing, with friends. 

In case you are interested in trying it out for yourself: 

http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/08/06/the-chocolate-chip-cookie/

The cozy studio apartment is full of morning quiet, interrupted by intermittent snores from my husband and the tiny click, clicking of my keyboard.

I have only had two calls to triage in the past hour and I am holding my breath for the usual Saturday morning rush as children wake up with fevers, rashes, coughs, diarrhea, vomit and the sprinkling of strange calls from one state to the next, one household to the next. I pause to take a sip of my coffee as I consider that thought. It is difficult to predict call volume and in my experience, calls come in waves. I and the other nurse(s) swim furiously for a few minutes and then we have time to rest our feet in the sand before the next wave. But, sometimes, sometimes we marathon swim. This is nothing new to me or anyone else in the nursing world. What is new to me is applying my nursing experience to the amazing and strange world of tele-triage... and doing it all in my pajamas.

This post will be a disjointed as I ride the waves of calls and communicate with the nurse on my shift this morning. They have two of us working this morning because of licensing issues. Together we can cover all the practices.

My calm wave lasted for the first hour or so of my early Saturday shift and then, as I anticipated, the calls crashed in. Thankfully, I work with a great team of nurses and our management was able to log on and help us with the call volume. But now, as I sip on my second cup of coffee and unwind from a busy call shift, I can't remember what I had planned to write about in this blog post?

I have so very much to learn in this growing and unique tele-triage world, but I am loving the challenge of meeting people in the midst of crisis and reaching through the phone with comfort and help.

It is now Monday morning and the clock above the microwave is one minute behind my computer time at 4:47am. I have been 'on' since 2am and am enjoying some quiet worship music in this little reprieve. I am listening through my headset, of course, and quiet enough that I can still faintly hear Jon's soft snores.

I blink my eyes and tuck my fuzzy blanket around my toes. It feels strange to be awake at this hour. It is a contradiction to have the tranquil wee morning sprinkled with sleepy and concerned parents calls. I am the only nurse working this morning (though there is a nurse on-call that I can text if it becomes too busy for me to handle).

And yet, even as I marvel at the strangeness of this position, I am filled with a feeling of thankfulness. It wraps around me in a way this blanket can't. To help people from my couch while my husband sleeps in our little studio apartment feels like a dream. But it is a very good dream.

I reflect on some of my craziest caffeine fueled days as a pediatric nurse before Jon and I got married... and I smile with fondness and relief. I love being nurse but I am awed and relieved by how God led me through those hectic and sometimes stressful days to this point. Without that experience, I could not do what I am doing now.

Truly, there is no wasted time with our Lord.

Something about early mornings fills my heart with worship and I am reminded of a favorite verse:

"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say "You are my God." My times are in your hand.." (Psalm 31)

I am chuckling silently at this odd blog post. I am sure that sleep depravation helps with some of these wandering thoughts. But I don't mind, as long as I continue to wander to thoughts of such a good God and such a good life, with all of its mountains and valleys. Always God is my sweet oasis.
'
If you are weary, if you are discouraged.. rest in this truth, take courage in this reality: God SEES you and He means GOOD for you. However it looks right now, God sees you and your situation with loving and eternal eyes that are, even now, weaving the strands of your 'times' together in such a beautiful tapestry.

Goodbyes and new beginnings.

This year is taking my nomadic leanings to an entirely new level. Goodbye Texas and hello Ohio. And of course Missouri home will be sandwiched in between.

Jon and I never imagined we would fall in love with Texas and SO many wonderful Texans. But we did. And that makes the leaving bittersweet. 

We continue to have open hands to God in the matter. "Lord, root us or move us, we just want to be obedient to you." And so, we are being blown northly. 

Today the laundry lady visited me and updated me on her husband. He is dying from an aggressive and returned cancer. He is the maintenance man in the hotel and they met at another hotel that he worked for. It was a Hallmark kind of romance of housekeeper falls in love with the maintenance man kind of story. They have been together over a decade and I have only guessed their ages, but I am thinking a young 60ish range. All they really have is each other.

"God is really testing me, Chelsea." The laundry lady told me. She is taking the bus to the hospital to spend the night with her husband this evening. How do you respond to that kind of pain? I am brand new married and cozied up on my couch with homework for my new job and already planning dinner in my mind for my hubster who is coming home. I hugged her. Sometimes words just don't cut it. 

We talked about things we can control and things we can't. And what we do with the things we can't control. "You are right," she told me, "only God can handle holding all of this."

It is strange how the lives of our hotel 'neighbors' have been woven into the fabric or our experience in the few short months we were here.

Before Jon and I were married, the most I had spent in a hotel was, maybe, a week. I have learned all kinds of interesting things about people who do extended stay living. There is a couple from California who have been living here for 2 years. I learned this because our gym time often coincides. Their Christmas tree twinkles from outside their window when we walk on that side of the hotel. I can't imagine living in a hotel for 2 years. But I didn't imagine living in a hotel for 2 months. And here we are.

Mostly, like my handsome husband, the 'neighbors' are here on extended business. One night, a large portion of a delayed plane filled up the hotel. Unlike our last hotel, the walls are not so soundproof here and the child play and thundering footsteps was fun.. for one night anyways. But the housekeepers were running around the next day frazzled and sweating and swearing in Spanish.

It is still strange having a daily knock on the door. "Housekeeping!" But now that we are buddies, I have learned how to make a professional hotel bed and have an entirely new appreciation for the in's and out's of hotel machinery. Housekeepers have a birds eye view to the most strange and I have been regaled with stories about hotel ghosts and odd guests who steal toilet paper and store them in places that the housekeepers can clearly see them. They giggle over some stories and bemoan others. On the top floor a woman died and wasn't found for quite a few days. We all shudder together at the thought.

The old saying, "if walls could speak," has particular weight in the highly trafficked rooms of a hotel.

Soon, the friendly young married couple from room #102 will be a another one of those stories, and perhaps eventually only remembered by the walls.

But there is One who REALLY sees all. And, He doesn't forget us. And at this moment, as I consider all the unknowns of the the big horizon and the maintenance man in the hospital, I am comforted by this thought. My life and the lives around me are not disjointedly zooming through time and accidentally crossing paths without any meaning or purpose. Even though I don't see the whole tapestry, I am comforted by the knowledge that the threads are being woven together with purpose and eternal design by a loving Father.

I didn't mean to chase these thoughts down any strange philosophical or theological tunnels. Goodbyes and change often stir up this line of thinking for me. But as this third-culture-kid with all kinds of goodbye baggage has learned, processing the hard thoughts through is always worth it. Because they lead me back to Jesus. No Jesus juking here. Just straight up thankful to be adventuring after the One who promises that we will never have to say goodbye to Him.

Living and Loving.

“I discovered later, and I'm still discovering right up to this moment, that is it only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously, not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world. That, I think, is faith.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"...but whoever keeps [God's] word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." 1 John 2:5-6

Amidst the routine: work e-mails, laundry, dishes, and gray wintry light, my thoughts glow with wonder. I wonder with all the child-like curiosity I can not shake off and I wonder with all the child-like awe that my wonderings produce. In the very mundane, the dish washing, the laundry folding... heaven reigns. 

My thoughts are heavy with suffering today as I check off my mental to-do-list. My heart breaks for dear hearts that are at their lowest. My heart weeps over the hate swelling in Ferguson. I don't need to even look beyond this room after one of the hotel housekeepers shares with me her hurt with her estranged sister.I want to "live unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures."But how to fight the despair of the pain that rocks our world? My world? 

I consider Dietrich Bonhoeffer's words on faith. How can living unreservedly produce the faith of falling completely into the arms of God? I think about that word, 'unreservedly.' That means holding nothing back. I am remember a quote that I read from Ann Voskamp yesterday, "tears are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of an open heart." But being SO in the pain, the reality of this world, MY world, it is too much. Dietrich Bonhoeffer spoke these words in a moment in time when Nazi cruelty appeared to overcome. It was in THAT world that he recommended to BE UNRESERVEDLY.  

Taking a break from my tasks, I cozied up with a cup of coffee and drank in Scripture. John's words mesmerized me..."walk in the same in which he walked." What is God's response to this world? Love so rich that He gave up His own Son that we might live. LIVE. And how did Jesus walk? He put on our skin, the Holy covered himself in the unholy. And he obediently, joyfully, went to the cross. 

My mind can't comprehend it. In a culture laced with materialism and selfie addiction, it is difficult to imagine such a thing. 

When I do not turn away from the darkness but look deeply into the pit, I see that even the darkness is light to God. And I can sink into that pit knowing that my God went there first... and He goes with me now. It is not by climbing some spiritual ladder that I find the keys wholeness. It is by unreservedly facing my world, and, when confronted with my own inadequacy, FALLING into the arms of the one who went to the pit and overcame the world and said, "it is finished." 

“It is only because he became like us that we can become like him.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

“While we exert ourselves to grow beyond our humanity, to leave the human behind us, God becomes human; and we must recognize that God wills that we be human, real human beings. While we distinguish between pious and godless, good and evil, noble and base, God loves real people without distinction. ” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, A Year with Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“God loves human beings. God loves the world. Not an ideal human, but human beings as they are; not an ideal world, but the real world. What we find repulsive in their opposition to God, what we shrink back from with pain and hostility, namely, real human beings, the real world, this is for God the ground of unfathomable love.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, A Year with Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“The Church is the Church only when it exists for others...not dominating, but helping and serving. It must tell men of every calling what it means to live for Christ, to exist for others.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison

“There is no way to peace along the way of safety. For peace must be dared. It is itself the great venture and can never be safe. Peace is the opposite of security. To demand guarantees is to want to protect oneself. Peace means giving oneself completely to God's commandment. Wanting no security, but in faith and obedience laying the destiny of the nations in the hand of almighty God. Not trying to direct it for selfish purposes. Battles are won not with weapons, but with God. They are won when the way leads to the cross.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I consider the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and tears fall with the impact of his words knowing that he obediently followed in the steps of Jesus to the end of an executioner's noose in the Nazi prison that he was kept. I think about Martin Luther King, Jr. who was inspired but Bonhoeffer and also spoke for Gospel justice in the face of opposition, even death.

We are all called to die. When and how becomes less important when we learn to truly live. And like a city on a hill, a candle in the dark, we invite others to truly live with us. 

I begin to put the warm folded shirts and socks and pants away and savor the sacred moment. 

Whatever it is, laundry, broken hearts, bruised bodies, winter blues, Thanksgiving dinners and St. Louis riots... I can enter into the moment, holding nothing back, with the confident faith in God who is ALWAYS in the moment, acting with love. 

The gift of giving.

Monk Parakeet (we think) - Irving, Texas

Yesterday, I talked Jon into taking me to Starbucks before our birding adventure. He was blessed with a day off and we planned to spend our free morning together exploring a nearby park. We hoped we could enjoy some bird observation but our main goal was to simply enjoy nature, ensconced as we are in our pavement neighborhood . The Texas air was surprisingly chilly and after a few moments in the gusting sixty-something-degree weather, we were both excited about the prospect of a warm drink. 

As we hurried into Starbucks, I noticed an older man a little down the sidewalk. He was standing next to a garbage can and intently examining a piece of paper. I wondered if he was homeless but quickly forgot about him as Jon and I embraced the warmth of the coffee shop. 

We spent a considerable time choosing our drinks and deciding on what treats should accompany them. We finally settled on breakfast sandwiches and as an afterthought, added muffins. I chose a blueberry muffin and nodded emphatically when asked if I wanted it heated up. 

We braced ourselves for the wind and beelined for Jon's Subaru. I happened to glance to my side and noticed that the old man, as if frozen in time, remained in the exact same position as before. My heart caught. "Jon," I called over the wind. "Would you be okay if I gave him one of my muffins?" Jon looked around and shouted back, "What?" But even before I explained, he saw the man and coming closer, said, "Of course, Chelsea. Give him whatever you think."

I approached the old man and he stepped back defensively. Jon, not wanting to alarm him more stayed a few more feet away. At handshake distance, the man looked younger. He looked down at his paper and asked me if I knew anything about Direct TV and how to get the $150 they were offering. I was confused. Maybe he wasn't homeless. 

Embarrassed, I told him I didn't know anything about Direct TV but I had an extra muffin and wondered if perhaps he would like it. He made eye contact with me at this point and reached for the proffered treat bag. "Well, it is probably for the best you don't know anything about this Direct TV." He told me genuinely. I smiled. "I hope God surprises you with all kinds of blessings today, sir. " I actually surprised myself saying it. He looked at me again and said, "He always does."

Before Jon and I were even buckled into the Subaru, we watched the man hungrily bite into the warm muffin. I was glad I had asked for it to be heated.

We prayed for him as we drove away. And somehow, giving that muffin away, to stranger in need, tasted better than I knew the muffin ever could have. 

Giving can feel vulnerable. What if my gift is not received? What if I regret giving something I value away?

Jon and I were in birder heaven at the park. We saw more birds than we could even begin to identify. But I can not help consider the God who fashioned them. He created unique feather after unique feather and because He delights in His creation, He notices them. God notices the birds.

Great Blue Heron - Irving, Texas

Matthew 10:29 "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father."

Jesus reminds us in scripture that God cares even for the lowliest bird He has made. And if the one who breathed life into the dust of Adam cares about something so little, we can be confident that He notices us... with so much love. 

And He gave us the ultimate gift. Himself.

Why does giving feel so good? When I give what was never mine to begin with, something is released inside of me. It is as if I have let go of an invisible string that was holding me back. My soul feels lighter and happier. I was noticed by God and it feels so wonderful to share that gift, even if in a very small way, with someone else. 

I have a lot to learn about giving. I would not want to pat myself on the back for my 'good deed' and retreat back into what is comfortable. No. I want to keep noticing. 

Jon prayed out loud before we fell asleep last night. He prayed for the muffin man and BJ (another homeless man that we encountered that same day). But mostly, Jon prayed for our hearts. That God would help us have courage to meet people where they are at and even be willing to stay there with them. Because, that is what God does with us.